Dom and sub relationships in India
India is a traditional country and most people think Indians follow 'normal relationship'. But you will be surprised to know that most couples in India are in Dom/sub relationships. Most couples may not know the meaning of BDSM but they do follow that lifestyle to a limited extent. The highly patriarchal structure of Indian society has created very distinct gender roles which has paved way for men to be dominant and women to be submissive in relationship. This way of life-style is highly valued by Indian norms.
How to find Dom/sub partner in India?
Dom is someone who is authoritative in the relationship which guides, mentor and do the aftercare in a relationship. They are someone who 'provide' substance to the relationship. Sub is one who receive the 'substance' from provider i.e. dom. Sub is not necessarily a passive follower. They also contribute significantly to the flow of their relationship. India is not considered kink-friendly country. Sex is considered taboo and majority of people are raised to consider 'sex' as something 'necessary evil'. Sex is just a means of reproduction for many people. But kinks are result of biological phenomena. You can suppress it but cannot eliminate it. India with more than one and half billion people shouldn't be defined so narrowly. These large pool of people widen your chance of finding partner with weirdest shared kink possible. The first step of finding partner who share same kinks as you is being optimistic.
If you are a heterosexual man and consider yourself dominant, you are lucky. The patriarchal structure of our society favors you heavily. It isn't very hard to find a submissive woman. Traditional women tend to be very submissive. Generally this is not considered a good thing. but by understanding that you are exploiting cultural 'loophole' for your fetish, you can avoid compromising your morality. Many women are raised to be submissive to men around them. Being in a relation with these women itself is not a bad thing. By clearly communicating and 'training' her, you can sculp an excellent submissive woman.
But in case you are a heterosexual male sub, you are in trouble. Finding dominant heterosexual woman is a big struggle worldwide and is not just limited to India. But odds are specifically high in India. Indian society actively discourages authoritative, independent, courageous and assertive women and all these characteristics are required to be a good Dom. Despite all this, there are a lot of dom women who have problem finding actual 'sub' men. A lot of Indian men prefer to 'settle' with submissive women despite the fact that it doesn't align with their kinks. The primary reasons for this are strict gender roles and culturally prevalent kink-shaming. India has one of the biggest markets for finding partner, the extensive pool of people favors sub men to find someone who fulfills their naughty fantasies. this is true for homosexuals too. Although India is not a cultural heaven for LGBT community, exploring with optimism will surly land you good opportunities.
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How to build ideal D/s dynamic with your partner in India?
Having a fantasy and following a life-style based on that fantasy are two different things. There are things you can keep in mind to ensure an ideal D/s dynamic in your family.
- Self-Exploration : It is not only applicable to build this dynamic, but is also very important aspect of life. It is also to make sure that you are not just label that you read on internet. If you call yourself Dom, do you understand what does it take to be a Dom? If you are thinking about starting a 24*7 D/s life-style, do you understand what will it require from you and your partner side? How will it affect your and your partner's future? What are your limits? Do you want to just have this on bed? Does it conflict with your belief/religion?
- Communication : The key part of D/s relationship is explicit communication. You cannot expect your partner to mould their behavior as per your kinks. You have to verbally say it. You also need to encourage your partner to talk about their desires and their boundaries. If they do not enjoy this relationship as much as you, eventually they will end up hating this. And this is something you don't want.
- Respecting boundaries : Individuals have their own personality. You should understand that your partner is also a person, who have their own emotions, thought-process, breakpoints and personal space. Even if you are following power exchange for 24*7, you shouldn't expect everything to be ideal. sometime you need to break out of your role to comfort your partner. Sometime, you need to extend your after-care. sometime you need to give your partner solitary time and other times, you need to be present for your partner.
- Need to stand for your partner : Some conservative Indian families may not like this life-style. They may hate you or your partner for this. You need to take a firm stand for your decision. This is specially important if your partner is financially dependent upon you.
Image courtesy of artist Ekaterina Myasoed, sourced from Pexels.
Do you know what is liberal feminism? Read article on feminism in India
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